my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Randomize
