I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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