You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
