I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
