maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
