So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
