i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize