I'm going to jail i love you
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
