There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
Moan for me like Helen Keller
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
