I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Randomize
