just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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