We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Drunk is not a location!
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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