Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Randomize
