I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize