What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
