i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
