a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
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