I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
