..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
