She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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