we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
