I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize