I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
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