Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Randomize
