If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
