Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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