I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
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