lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
