I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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