drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
