I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
