is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
