Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Your mouth is God's brothel.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Randomize
