so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
