I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
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