The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
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