My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
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