We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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