should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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