The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
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