It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Randomize
