I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
either way he was missing a nipple.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I fill condoms, not promises.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Randomize
