i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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