I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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