She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
