It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
