dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
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