it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
