Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
