Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Randomize
