I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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