im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
