He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
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