Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
