it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Randomize
