Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I just found puke in my bra..
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
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