Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
my shit smells like andre
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
