i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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