Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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