And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
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