Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
