doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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