Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Randomize
