I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
