in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
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