oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Randomize
