Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize