i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
