There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
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